The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.


Chuckie: Damn! What are you, Banner, the Incredible Hulk?
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Part 2: New Friends And Old
Chapter 37: Game Over

Lissa picked up Antonio's gun, tried to shoot Vanessa, but it was empty. "Got any spare clips, man?" She gave the gun to Antonio, he changed the clip, and shot the gonner.

Vanessa still hadn't re-tied her T shirt. A bullet hole appeared below her sternum, she took a step back. Another between the eyes, and another in the heart. Two in the Tricryptogon on her right breast. The bullets popped out of each hole, the bleeding stopped, and Vanessa laughed. "That proves I am a gonner. Gonners are immortal. We can't die! You, on the other hand..."

"I've already killed two of you guys!" Lissa stood, her hands became claws. Her clothes shifted, her bathing suit remained, and her tail, instead of going up (the suit was low-cut in back) came down out her right leg-hole, pulling the leg-hole too far to the left. I'm gonna get this damn tail amputated, she thought, pulling it in. Oddly, shifting just one body part took more effort than shifting a large section of her body, which in turn took more effort than shifting her entire body. Of course, with no tail, her balance was off.

"Robertson, kill them!" Vanessa shouted to the last remaining demon. "Or at least keep them busy while I get out of here!"

Banny easily stepped in front of the charging demon. The demon slashed, and Banny went down. The demon's claws dripped blood and poison.

"You bastard!!!" Lissa screamed in a barely human voice. "What I'm gonna to do you'll make what I did to that other demon look kosher!" She leapt at it.

Lissa already knew how to fight, and her cat instincts only aided her. She tore into the demon. The demon became goo, and Lissa stood, ready for the next attack. But she didn't know how to fight a demon, and her cat instincts didn't help her there. She was covered in scratches; she had not avoided its poison. Lissa's arms and legs froze, and she fell forward like a mannequin.

"LISSA!" Banny, holding his ragged T shirt over the slashes on his chest, turned to Antonio, "Tell me you got more counter-poison. Please?"

"Just one vial. The others got smashed. Not enough for you and her. Uh... shouldn't you be freezing up already? I mean, I'd be in trouble by now, and I built up a bit of an immunity."

"I took some earlier. It's helping, somewhat." He felt a little slow and logey, but no worse than any morning before his second cup of coffee.

Banny knew he had to treat this like a video game. They had to kill the GONNER boss to finish this level. The gun didn't work, they had no SAVEs left, one companion needed the last ANTIDOTE and the other a FIRST AID KIT before time was up. Was there an item they were supposed to get to use against the boss that they forgot to get? Maybe Ronnie the pervert was supposed to give them something.

Banny only had enough strength left to move about three times normal speed. He grabbed the counter-potion, ran over to Lissa, flipped her over, and poured it in her mouth. Oh, please, oh, please oh, please, he thought.

Lissa coughed like she was going to force her lungs out. Her first thought was that she had gone back to smoking. Her second thought was that that was one hell of a hairball! Her third thought was to wonder what that thing was, why was it howling, and what was it doing crawling out of her mouth and flying away. Her fourth thought was how much she hated the taste of coconut.

After that, the only thought she wanted to think about was that Banny was holding her. He told her he had to leave her for a moment, but he swore he'd be right back.

How did Lissa kill her gonners? Of course! The video game isn't exactly cheating, it's just being very sneaky.

Banny gently laid Lissa down, took the pistol from Antonio, sped up so Vanessa couldn't react, stuck the muzzle between her boobs, and fired until the gun clicked empty. Antonio grimaced. That gun had been dry-fired so many times, no way something expensive wasn't bent or broken.

Vanessa's face was a mix of surprise, pain, and rage. She slowly fell. Banny had expected her to fly back through the wall like they do in the movies, but maybe things work differerently for gonners.

Lissa sat up. She was human yet again. Her strength started returning. She saw the the gonner fall, and she cheered. Then shouted, "Banny, get back! Dead gonners explode, remember!!"

"Explode!?!" asked Antonio. He could barely stand, much less run for his life! "How big do they explode?"

BOOM!!!

Lissa answered, "cough! cough! About that big. Give or take."

Go to Chapter 36: Show And Tell

Go to Chapter 38: Time To Go

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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