The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.


Antonio: I am Antonio, The World's Greatest Demon Tracker! Flee now, demons, for I am as skilled as I am handsome!
(Refresh for a different message)
Part 2: New Friends And Old
Chapter 42: Life, The Universe, And Everything

In the bathroom, Lissa held what was left of her bathing suit. She had hoped it would keep her from being naked in cat-girl form. It hadn't worked. The suit was ruined, slashed in places, covered in blood. Her tail had popped out the leg-hole, pulling it to the middle and showing more than half her butt. And the worse thing was she had apparently shedded a few cat hairs.

She had itched in places even a baseball player wouldn't scratch.

* * * * * *

Banny watched television while Lissa thumbed through her magazine. A commercial came on for that new movie Seabiscuit. Banny said, "Seabiscuit. Seabiscuit run. Run Biscuit run."

Lissa bapped him with the magazine

* * * * * *

Lissa had to admit; Banny did more than his fair share of the housework. He vacuumed, did the dishes, took out the trash, etc. And, to be honest, maybe Lissa did less than her fair share of the housework. Of course, a woman's fair share was so much more than a man's fair share she still did more housework than him.

God was a man, Lissa concluded.

* * * * * *

"So it doesn't bother you that Lissa becomes a cat?" Nicoletta asked.

She was walking Mr. Fwuzzums on a grey rainy morning. No one else was around. He was certain of it, or he wouldn't have spoken. "Why would it? Corvair, I engage in stereotypical canine behavior solely to preserve our cover. As you well know, I am not an Earth dog. I am a dogling, a creature from another plane of existence. My similarity in appearance to an Earth german shepherd, while not strictly speaking coincidental, does not mean that psychologically I am a dog. I am a proud member of an ancient and noble race, and I SQUIRREL! SQUIRRELSQUIRRELSQUIRRELSQUIRRELSQUIRREL!!!

And the proud member of an ancient and noble race chased after the squirrel, dragging poor Nicoletta behind him.

* * * * * *

This demon enclave, fifty strong, had last been visited by Vanessa six days ago. Another four or five days, and it would be safe for Antonio to take them on. But another four or five days and who knows what horrors they could commit. They had discipline without Vanessa's desire for a low profile. Taking them on was dangerous. Leaving them alone was irresponsible. When Antonio had a tough decision like this, he looked at his bracelet. It had four letters on it.

WWID. What Would I Do.

Antonio went in.

* * * * * *

A popular saying around Wall Street:
Not only is Desmond O'Herlihy richer than God, God once asked O'Herlihy for a loan. O'Herlihy turned Him down because a) God didn't have enough collateral, and b) God wouldn't have been able to pay the monthly interest anyway.

* * * * * *

It was Lissa's turn to cook, and she put the roast on the table. Banny moved back, stared at it. "I'm sorry, Lissa. I just can't eat it. Ever since I got trapped in that oven... I can't eat cooked meat. It feels like cannibalism, or something."

"Banner, now you know I didn't stick a living creature in the oven. You know how they get meat. They grabbed a cow, bashed its head in a few times, hung it on a hook, skinned it, cut it into parts, and then I cooked it."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

* * * * * *

Lissa sat, bored, in front of the computer. There were no web-sites she wanted to visit, no e-mails she needed to read or send. She just moved the mouse back and forth. Banny watched her for a bit, and said, "stop playing with that poor mouse and put it out of its misery already." And left.

Lissa didn't know if he was joking or not.

Go to Chapter 41: Because Male Bonding Should Involve Guns And High Explosives

Go to Chapter 43: Evidence

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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