The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.

Review by Willow E. Taylor (creator of Stupidity in Magic): So out of the blue yesterday, this kind gentleman writes me and asks about a link exchange.
...
I'd never heard of his comic, and that's saying alot. It turns out, it wasn't a comic, it's the continueing story of two misfits, who proceed to become more and more misfit like as the story unfolds.
I didn't get much done yesterday afternoon, I was busy reading it, one chapter at a time.
I'm hooked. It has a good plot, decent concept, and I think the romance between Banny and Lissa is one of the sweetest things I've seen recently. Go forth and read, people, go forth and read.
(Refresh for a different message)
Part 3: We're Off To See The Wizard
Chapter 69: Mom Was Right!

The Munchkins all came out. Picture midget versions of Joseph and Marianne Hamilton (in matching pink leather bondage suits), Will Stetson (the most colorful Munchkin there), Pam the happy killer from Wobblin Toys (sneaking up behind another Munchkin), and about half of the remaining characters who do not get used elsewhere. Now picture them dancing and singing.

That's close enough. Don't hurt yourself.

Melissy liked it here. It was pretty, with all the flowers and colors. She was a heroine. And she was a shoe-in for first draft pick for the Munchkin Woman's Basketball League.

But then, in a cloud of smoke, another witch appeared. She had a long black dress, black hair, and green skin. Her black dress was low-cut and form-fitting, and showed off her absolutely perfect body to its best advantage, her black hair was full, shiny, and flowing, and her green skin made you realize women are supposed to be green. All this white, pink, yellow, red, brown, and black nonsense...

She was beautiful. All the Munchkins, male and female, were in awe. But she was so in control that not one dared even say a word. And no, you haven't missed a chapter. She's new. Sort of.

"Someone killed my Rosemary?!?" she said, with the voice of an angel. "Rosemary was... trivial, actually. But it's the principal of the thing. Ah, well. I'll just take her ruby slippers, kill her killer... and maybe level Munchkinland just... where are her slippers?"

Tim-da said, "The Wicked Virago Witch of the West! You can't have the slippers. I gave them to Snippy. She killed Rosemary, she gets the slippers."

"You squealer!" Melissy looked at her feet. "And who said I wanted these things? So where are my shoes? I paid fifty bucks for them! Anyway, these ain't even slippers, they're more like 'do me' pumps."

"You should see my robe," replied the Virago Witch. "Now I'll take care of you, my pretty! And your little dog, too!"

"Hey, leave me out of this." said the dog.

"Mom was right! I am gonna be murdered by an evil lesbian witch!"

Tim-da looked down at the beautiful yet evil witch. Nice cleavage! "Not in the third chapter, you won't! Begone, Witch!" And the Virago Witch disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Damn, I can't believe that worked. Listen up girl, in a few more chapters, everyone'll be bored and just want this to end. That's when she'll waste you. Get to The Wizard Of Dez first. Only he can get you home. He's in the Emerald City. Has an apartment there. Meet ya there. If the Witch don't get ya first. And your little dog, too." He turned into a bubble, and floated away.

Melissy chased after the bubble, lost it. "Take me with you! What the hell am I supposed to do, walk?"

"Again they threaten the dog." said Mr. Toto.

"Hey shorty! How do I get to the Emerald City?"

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road," said one Munchkin. "Follow the Yellow Brick Road," added another. "Follow the Yellow Brick Road," a third said, gesturing down. A fourth tapped Melissy, wagged a finger in her face, admonishing, "Follow the Yellow Brick YIPE!!! OW!!! OW!!! OW!!!" as Melissy grabbed him by the hair and lifted him until they were face to face. She said, "one more 'Follow the Yellow Brick Road', and I invent Munchkin-tossing!" She let the Munchkin go. "Okay, I'll follow the Yellow Brick Road. This is me, following the Yellow Brick Road. There, I followed the Yellow Brick Road all the way to the end, and I'm no closer than I was before."

Mr. Toto suggested, "Perhaps we should follow it the other way. The direction that heads off into the distance, away from here."

"Oh, yeah. Let's try that." And they did. Until they reached a crossroads, where the road branched off in every direction. Melissy asked, of no one in particular, "now which way?"

There was a corn-field off the road. The corn-field's scarecrow was tall, with a blond wig, and it said, "I'm Banner the Scarecrow. You should go that way. There's a great comic book shop there. They got games, videos... Anyway, would you mind getting me down from here, and letting me come with you? For a little bit? Whatcha say?"

Melissy stared at him. "My god, he's beautiful," she whispered.

"You have the hots for a scarecrow?"

Melissy blushed. "I think it's a holdover from the regular story."

"Lissa Cheng has a scarecrow fetish?"

Go to Chapter 68: This Is Why Colorization Is Evil

Go to Chapter 70: Leave The Squirrels Alone

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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