Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.

Part 1: Ante Up

Chapter 5: Well, That Explains Everything

"You said you would explain everything," Lissa said to the visitors, "so explain."

The blind woman brushed her blonde hair away from her face, straightened her dark glasses. "The Forces Of Evil have been challenging The Forces Of Good since before time as we know it began."

"And now Good needs two new Champions," the dog continued. "Two Worthy Ones, to beat back Evil, and prevent the destruction of all good in the universe."

"The Good selected you two to fight the gonners."

" 'Gonners' are what we call the the bad guys, the minions of Evil. They have super-human powers and abilities."

"To give you a better chance against them Good had one of Its servants, the Essencia, gift you two with Rings of Beneficience."

"The Rings start off relatively weak, but will increase in power and versatility over time."

"You have to help." Nicoletta pleaded. "All that is right and good in the world depends on you two."

"I figured it would be something like that," Banny said. "That was actually my second guess. My first guess involved Santa Claus and elves, maybe reindeer, but The Forces Of Good ran a close second."

Mr. Fwuzzums put his head down, his paws over his eyes, and whimpered.

"Still doesn't give you the right to get us fired," Lissa muttered.

"You need not worry about that, Cheng. You will be compensated for your services."

Nicoletta reached into the back-pack. "Decent pay. Paid vacation. Overtime for holidays. Full health, including Dental. And all funeral expenses. We need you to fill out these W-2's. Be careful when you do. You two have some power, but we're not ready to fight the IRS yet."

"The IRS is evil?" Banny asked.

Lissa winced. "I say we ignore Banny's inability to grasp the obvious, and you tell us about the power. Is that how I changed into a cat last night?"

"Yes. You can transform into a cat, and Banny can alter his time-rate."

"So Banny gets to be the Flash, and I get to eat Tender Vittles. Plus I'm buck-ass nekkid when I'm done. How's that for fair?!?"

"You have intermediate forms. And as your power grows you'll learn how to shift your clothes with you."

"And what is wrong with Tender Vittles?" Mr. Fwuzzums asked. "They are quite tasty. ...Um... or so I have heard, because I have never eaten cat food in my life! Now, if we have finished slandering me..."

"Tell us about the bad guys," Banny said. "The goners. What powers do they have?"

"Gonners. Rhymes with 'honors'. Each one has this, somewhere on his or her body." Nicoletta pulled out something from the back-pack, showed it to Banny and Lissa.

Lissa looked at it. "A blank piece of paper?"

"Other side, Corvair."

Nicoletta turned the paper around. "The Tricryptogon! Also called the gon. A black triangle, symbolizing evil. In the center, one-fourth the size of the black triangle, a white triangle, good surrounded and captured. Each triangle is outlined in red, and red connects the corners of the two triangles, symbolizing the violence and force evil uses to defeat good. If a further background is needed, it is gray, for formless chaos. Mr. Fwuzzums, why am I describing the Tricryptogon, when I can't even see it? Tell me, am I least close?"

"Spot on! Each gonner will have this mark. It might not be in plain sight, but it will not be hidden under full hair. And each side has to be at least two inches. A gonner occasionally may have to present the gon to other gonners, so an arm or an ankle is popular."

"That's the tattoo Rosemary had!" Lissa shouted. "But why do all the bad guys have such an easy way to identify them?"

"The Good may be good." The dog said slyly. "But at negotiations, It's absolutely brilliant."

Go to Chapter 4: Enter Mr. Fwuzzums And Nicoletta

Go to Chapter 6: Right The First Time

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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