The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.


Well, we've gotten some discussions going on the Message Board, and I've gotten a couple of Letters. Thank you. And if you haven't posted yet, please join in.
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So what is a Banny? What is a Lissa? And why do you want to read about them?

Banny And Lissa is the continuing story of two losers, one clueless and the other crabby, who receive powers to fight the Forces Of Evil. Aiding Banny and Lissa are: Nicoletta, a blind woman; Mr. Fwuzzums, her talking dog; and Antonio, the World's Greatest Demon Tracker (self-proclaimed).
The Forces Of Evil figure they've got this one in the bag.

Banny And Lissa is a comedy-fantasy text story, 600 to 900 words daily, every day except sunday.

Some material may not be suitable for children, but really, if you can't find dirtier stuff on the net, you're just not trying!


Part 1: Ante Up
Chapter 1: The Worthy Ones

"Worthy ones. I am the Essencia. I have come to bestow upon you gifts, to aid you in the upcoming battle."

Lissa sat up in bed suddenly. The... whatever-it-was had appeared literally out of nowhere, and stood near the foot of the bed. Lissa clutched the sheet over her.

"Who are you?!" she shouted."How did you get in here? And why couldn't you have waited another thirty minutes?" Banny poked his head out from under the sheet.

"Thirty minutes!?!" Banny asked. "How about ten? Fifteen, tops."

"Fifteen? That's not-"

"Worthy ones. I am the Essencia. I have come to bestow gifts." the visitor repeated. It was over seven feet tall, dressed in a long white robe with a hood. Its face was snow-white. It had a bump for a nose, and slight indentations for eyes and a mouth. It had no holes in its face, though its jaw moved when it spoke.

"Quiet, you!" Lissa shouted at it. Melissa Lin Irishi Running-Deer Chrisoula Cheng was a mix of Chinese, Filipino, Amerind, Greek and probably a couple more. She had long black hair, grey eyes, and she was quite pretty, except when she was angry. But that was only 95% of the time. "Banny, if you think-"

"Gifts? What'd we get?" Banner Curran O'Herlihy looked the stereotypical Irishman, strong build, blond hair and green eyes. All he lacked was the stereotypical Irishman temper (he was as easy-going as Lissa was quick-tempered), and anything like intelligence and common sense (his intelligence and common sense more resembled certain moss and lichen than any human race). Banner held the sheet to his self with one hand as he moved forward holding out his other hand.

Lissa clutched the sheet, trying to cover her chest. "Banny, you bozo! Let go of the sheet!"

"Uh, but I need to cover my you-know-whats."

"Yeah, well, I'm a girl, you twit! My you-know-whats go up a lot higher than your you-know-whats."

Banny looked at her. "I'm six foot two. You're five foot one. They're not that much higher."

"Your you-know-whats'll be rolling across the floor if you don't let go of the sheet!"

"WORTHY ONES!!! Do you...do you not wish to receive your gifts?" Although the Essencia had no discernible facial features, it appeared to be... disconcerted. Apparently the worthy ones were not what it had expected.

"Ooooh!" Banny oooohed. "What'd we get? What'd we get? What'd we get?" He darted forward, pulling the sheet from Lissa. She screamed, and grabbed one of the pillows to put in front of her.

Lissa shouted, "Both of you are gonna have your you-know-whats rolling across the floor in a minute! Now, Snowflake, what are you, and what are you doing here?"

"I do not understand this." The Essencia seemed confused. And angry. "I was told I would meet with one who possesses great wisdom and is immune to greed" It pointed to Banny. "Instead I have met one who possesses great greed and is immune to wisdom. I was told I would meet with one who is gentle, wise, capable, compassionate." It pointed to Lissa. "Instead I have met...you." The visitor extended both hands. Each hand opened. Each had, in the center of an unlined snow-white palm, a white ring. "I do not know why you were chosen. I doubt that even these Rings of Beneficience will be enough to protect you in the upcoming battles. But you must take them. Put them on. You will know what to do."

Banny and Lissa each took a ring, and put it on. The rings altered size slightly, enough to fit snugly, but not cut off circulation.

The Essencia glowed brighter and brighter and brighter. Banny and Lissa closed their eyes. The glow increased, visible through their eyelids, their hands, and even the sheet (Banny) or pillow (Lissa) they used to cover their eyes. The glow disappeared.

When they opened their eyes, Lissa wasn't surprised that the Essencia was gone. Banny was surprised, at which point certain moss and lichen should have been offended by the earlier comparison.

Banny looked back at Lissa. "What do we do?"

Lissa studied the ring on her finger. "I don't know. Hock the rings? We could probably get a good price for them."

Go to Chapter 2: The Binghamton Little Theatre Troupe

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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