The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

to return to the latest chapter.

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.

Banny: if a naive sea lion Jedi master who drove Nascar and made Thor sick as an astronaut couldn't do this, how can I?
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Part 3: We're Off To See The Wizard
Chapter 71: The Emerald City

The Wicked Virago Witch stared angrily into her crystal ball. Finally the football game ended, and she joined Melissy and her companions already in progress. Hmmm, they had left the forest. Who was that new creature with them? Was it the Lion King? No, wrong parody.

"Ah, well," said the Virago. "He can die with them. Now should be good. God knows, I'm bored." She looked at her little Flying Monkeys. Chuckie Monkey was lifting heavy weights, Vanessa Monkey had removed her clothing and was flying around naked again, Duncan Monkey was trying to sell things to the other Monkeys, and Justin Monkey sat on the floor torturing some little animal or insect he had found. Like the Virago, Justin Montcrey hasn't appeared in the main story yet. This sneak peek is a reward just for you, for being better than everyone who skipped this part.

She had numerous other Monkeys as well. But no. This attack would be magical. Something attractive to the eye, soothing to the soul, and less likely to cover the land in Flying Monkey droppings. Though she did control the Dez umbrella trade.

* * * * * *

Melissy and the others could see the green clouds from the Emerald smokestacks in the distance, which was good, because the Yellow Brick Road disappeared beneath a poppy field. Antonlion had the feeling he was being watched, pleasing him immensely. The others ran through the poppy field, and the poppy curse put some of them to sleep, until Tim-da appeared and kicked them in the sides to wake them. "Get moving! We wanna end this parody tomorrow!"

Banny Scarecrow said, "lemme sleep for just a few more paragraphs. How about just a couple more sentences? One more word?"

Rubbing her eyes, Melissy said, "You know, I got an idea! We could go a lot fas" Tim-da formed his bubble and floated rapidly toward the Emerald City "ter if you'd TAKE US WITH YOU, YA JERK!!!"

They continued, until they reached the main door. Melissy rang the bell. A panel in the door opened, and a gangly man whined, "who rang that bell?"

Melissy said, "I did! Now are you gonna open this door, or do I kick it down?"

Meadowbrook the gatekeeper quickly opened the door. "If you promise not to tell anyone how easily I caved, I'll let you see the Wizard himself."

Antonlion muttered, "and they call me cowardly."

Meadowbrook said, "you'll like the cab, Or at least, what pulls the cab." And, except for the blind Tin Woman, they did. The old-fashioned wagon was hitched to a unicorn! She went from white to blue to red to green to... She said, in the voice of a sweet little English girl, "Me, a mere draft-beast? Somebody shall pay for this indignity, and pay dearly."

The Unicorn brought them about twenty feet, to the Oz beauticians. While they were beautying up they saw, written across the sky, VOTE FOR TURNER. Later that day, a skywriter in Ipswitch, Kansas apologized to Harold Turner for the mix-up at the Turner For Mayor rally, where hundreds of Turner supporters saw SURRENDER MELISSY.

Pushing past the guy who tried to stop them, the five wanderers walked down the long hall, and entered the Wizard's private chambers.

Where this big green floating head angrily roared, "WHO DARES DISTURB THE GREAT AND POWERFUL DEZ?"

Melissy looked at the Scarecrow, looked back at the Wizard. Was there a resemblance there? "We need stuff. We came to you for help."


Melissy said, "it better not be anything kinky!"


"Kill the Witch?" said the Tin Woman. "We are unlikely to survive."

"That is the idea," added Mr. Toto "This 'Wizard' would prefer to grant us nothing."

Antonlion said, "Hey, we can do it! Let's get her!"

And Banner the Scarecrow said "A big green floating head. I always wanted one of those."

Go to Chapter 70: Leave The Squirrels Alone

Wait until Tomorrow

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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