The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.


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Part 1: Ante Up
Chapter 3: Things Take A Turn For The Weird

Lissa grabbed Rosemary's arm with both hands. She could feel her nails digging deep into rubbery skin. She couldn't pull the arm off; it just stretched. So Lissa bit it. It was like biting into a rubber ball, but her teeth tore through the skin, and she ripped off a bloody chunk.

Rosemary screamed, and released Banny. He quickly checked his GameBaby© to make sure he had managed to pause it, then fell off his chair, panting and heaving.

"FOOLS!!!" She screamed. "I have worked too hard to gain control of this theatre group, killed too many people, to allow a couple of ill-mannered buffoons to stop me!"

Lissa didn't know which was worse: the fact that she'd bitten off a section of Rosemary's flesh, or the fact that she was chewing it, and enjoying the taste. Or maybe she should be disturbed because instead of hands she now had paws, with vicious claws. And let's not forget Rosemary, contracting and e-x-p-a-n-d-i-n-g her arms like water weinies. The sounds of that alone were just plain wrong. Suddenly a mad desperate bid for power over a community theatre seemed almost normal.

Lissa decided that all this weirdness freaked her out. Why play favorites? She had no idea what was happening or how or why. But she did have sharp claws and fangs. And she always hated Rosemary. Attack now, figure out what the hell she's attacking later. At least that was normal.

Banny flicked off the GameBaby©. There was no way he could play now, not with all these distractions. Besides, the batteries were low. As he stood he saw the mousy woman (what was her name, anyway?) swing a folding chair at him.

Except "swing" might not have been the right word. She moved the chair so slowly that even Banny could dodge it easily. Banny stepped back. The air around him felt strange, somehow. Thicker. As if he were a distance below sea-level

The woman slowly threw the chair at Banny. He was amazed; he didn't think something moving at that speed should get as far as it did. He stood staring at it, and forgot to duck. It bounced off of him, doing no real harm, and slowly fell to the floor. Did they have different gravity here, or something? Banny decided to pay more attention the next time he dropped something, or fell down.

Rosemary's arms wrapped around Lissa and constricted, like a boa constrictor. Lissa shrank. She clawed and bit wildly, and realized; she was trapped inside her own blouse! She had shrunk to the size and shape of a housecat! Two thoughts occurred to her, almost simultaneously: I'm a housecat! How'd I become a housecat?! and God damn, this blouse stinks! What the hell is wrong with my deodorant?!?

Banny was getting annoyed, and more than a little worried. Lissa was nowhere to be seen, Rosemary was stretching and distorting, moaning a weird deep moan, slowly fighting a kitty-cat, and meanwhile what's-her-name was moving like she was under water. Worst of all, Banny felt as if somehow he was doing hard work, and he wished he could figure out what he was doing so he could stop it. He probably wasn't even getting paid for it.

The woman threw an underwater punch at Banny. He put up his hand and slapped her fist away. The woman fell (slowly, of course) to her knees, her groans sounding like a bass fiddle. Banny recognized the way she clutched her fist. It was the way Lissa clutched her fist when for some reason she punched a wall instead of a person. But all I did was slap her hand!

Banny...relaxed, somehow. He didn't know what he did, but suddenly the air became normal and the woman's voice sounded as high-pitched as it ever did.

Fortunately, Lissa had shrunk faster than Rosemary's arms could squeeze, and she squirmed out of the hold. Lissa became aware of a certain "tension" or "effort". She had to maintain the cat-form. She let go, reverted to human. A naked human.

"Time out!" she said. "I gotta get dressed."

"We knew you'd be coming, Tools Of The Good," Rosemary said. "But we were never knew you'd be so... goony."

"GOONY?!?" shouted Lissa. A quick slash with vicious claws, and Rosemary fell, holding her throat. She twitched a couple of times, and died.

Rosemary's body shriveled and blackened, with red lines forming. It grew hot, and exploded, showering the other three with burning black bits.

"Nooo!!!" screamed mouse-girl, kneeling by the scorch-mark. "You were going to make me Theatre Group Secretary!! You promised!!!" She cried.

"Let's go," said Lissa. "I just need to get my clothes and check one thing, then let's get the hell out of here."

Sure enough, Rosemary's dress, purse, watch, and shoes were all ruined, but the necklace and the one earring Lissa found (burnt ear still attached) were good .

Go to Chapter 2: The Binghamton Little Theatre Troupe

Go to Chapter 4: Enter Mr. Fwuzzums And Nicoletta

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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