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Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.
Well, the reception wasn't as much fun as Lissa had hoped it would be beforehand, but at least everyone had something to talk about.
Lizzie and Lissy did not get to meet Kevin Bacon, as they'd wanted, if indeed it was him, but Desmond O'Herlihy himself came right up to Lizzie to ask her for her help
O'Herlihy had to be over six feet tall. If he had an ounce of fat, he must have left it in his other suit. Even with some slight wrinkling and a hint of grey he was better looking than most men half his age. Oh, god, thought Lissa, if that's Banner in thirty years or so, Joanne's an idiot!
"Excuse me. Miss Panderson? You're a friend of... of...?" He couldn't bear to say her name.
"Of hers? I was until about an hour ago."
"Then maybe you can help me. I know we've only briefly met before this, but I need your help. My son... I don't know what to do. What do I say to him? I know you well enough to know you have a gift for helping people. Please. Help my son." The richest man Lizzie had ever hoped to meet asked her to help him, offered no monetary renumeration, and there was no way she would refuse. No wonder he'd gotten so rich.
Lissa accompanied her miracle-working friend.
Banner was at the bar, getting drunk. Desmond has been known occasionally to tip a bartender or waiter a Mercedes, so there was no problem with service. And Tim kept the gawkers at bay. Including, for some reason, Banner's sister, Moira. Lizzie talked her way past the bodyguard (she could talk her way past a monsoon), sat on a stool to the would-be groom's left. Lissa had his right.
Banner did not look angry or sad; he looked like a puppy-dog that had just been whapped on the nose. Stunned, confused, hurt. Lissa hoped her friend could help. She orderd a wine cooler while Lizzie and Banner talked.
"I'm not angry," he was saying to Lizzie. Lissa stared at the back of his head.
"It's all right to be a little angry," Lizzie said reassuringly.
"A little angry?!?" Lissa yelled. She spun him to face her. "It's all right to be friggin' pissed off!! I don't care what you could have done to her, she shouldn't have done that to you in front of your family and friends and God and the whole world! She had plenty of time to call it off, she must have had plenty of time to call it off, but she has to be this big drama queen! So get angry! Hit things! Break things! Go violently insane! Like a normal person!"
Tim said, "That's what I been telling him to do! Moira, I told you get your ass away!"
"I don't know how to get angry," Banny said slowly. "I honestly don't think I can."
"It's easy, Jack," Lissa said. "I do it all the time."
"That's true," added Lizzie. "She does."
"I'm Melissa Cheng, by the way. Call me Lissa. And the whole world knows Lizzie, of course."
"I'm Banny. O'Herlihy. I mean people call Banner O'Herlihy. That's not what I mean. My name is Banner O'Herlihy, but people call me Banny. Though some people call me Banner. Or... my middle name is Curran."
"You're distraught," said Lizzie. "You're upset, you're not making any sense. Take your time."
"Nah, for him this is normal. I'm Tim Tenniel. They call me The Enforcer! Only you're supposed to look more impressed when I say that. Not football fans, that's okay."
"I'm gonna show you how to be mad, Banny. First furrow your brow. Like this. No, that's not furrowing, that's squinting, there is a difference. Okay, try gritting your teeth. Like that. Oh. Well, as soon as you're up to it we'll try it again. Next time we'll make certain your tongue is well out of the way first. That bartender sure brought the ice cube over fast, though. Okay, we'll try my favorite. Make a fist. That's good, except for the fact that it SUCKS! Banny, you can't have your thumb inside your fist, you'll break your thumb that way. There, that's better. Now, punch!" To demonstrate, she punched her left palm, hard.
Banny punched.
Unfortunately, he had closed his eyes and he just punched out, more or less at random. He hit Lissa in the eye and knocked her off her barstool.
Banny ran over to her, helped her up, saying over and over, "I'msorrymsorrymsorrymsorrymsorr-!!!"
Lizzie said, "you two have got to hook up now, so when people ask how you met I can say 'she was at his wedding, and he punched her lights out."
Go to Chapter 31: Saturday, June 30th, 2001. Two Years Ago Today
Go to Chapter 33: A Very Nice And Helpful Pervert
Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about
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And
Lissa
and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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Dave Lerner Stories (note that to use the mailto you'll need to edit it in your 'send to' window. I apologize, but I've already lost one address to spam, and if I get inundated again, I won't have time to read your letters.) - All Rights Reserved. Note that this includes images of the Tricryptogon, and the name "Tricryptogon".