The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.


Antonio: I am Antonio, The World's Greatest Demon Tracker! Flee now, demons, for I am as skilled as I am handsome!
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Part 2: New Friends And Old
Chapter 40: Just A Light Lunch

Lizzie looked across at Lissa, put a hand on her hand. "Lissy, baby, is there something you're not telling me?"

The two women had met for lunch at TGIMonday's, a restaurant currently involved in a bitter lawsuit w/ a slightly more established restaurant. Lissa was at loose ends until the dog and the woman found a gonner for her to fight, and Elizabeth Panderson was a real estate agent who could set her own hours. Actually, Lizzie owned her own agency, a successful agency that wouldn't touch a property worth less than three million.

"How about what you're not telling me?" Lissa said to change the subject. "How'd you get to look so good?" Lizzie had mostly kicked her life-long weight problem. Now she was slightly heavyset instead of fat, her hair was longer and thicker, and her pantsuit may have cost well into four digits.

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "A very expensive personal trainer. A tailored diet plan. And the right clothes. You'd be amazed what the right clothes can do for you. I want to take you shopping later, little girl. You dress like a shlumpf."

"I'm not a shlumpf. You're the shlumpf. What's a shlumpf?" Lizzie was still the only person in the world who could talk to her like that.

"You are if you dress like that. Okay, spill it. Problems with Banny?"

"No, he's great. We're made to be together. I luh..ike him and he ..."

"Luh-ikes you back. If you need me to talk to him, if you want the two of you to be more than just in luh-ike, I'd-"

"No! Things are fine the way they are! Just the way they are." She picked at her shrimp dish. Whatever tailored diet plan Lizzie was on, it allowed a big-ass steak with potatoes and a pitcher of imported beer. Of course, when they ordered, Lizzie had mentioned she gets one cheat day a week, and she makes the most of it.

"Is it work? A problem at work?" You become a good salesperson by being persistant. And Lizzie was a great salesperson.

Lissa had never felt this uncomfortable with her friend. She thought, sort of. I'm now a supernatural secret agent. Banny and I fight evil monsters that take human form. He and I are the only ones who can kill them. And I can't tell anybody, not even my oldest best friend, because you can't protect yourself if the monsters find out you know anything. They'll torture you for every scrap of information you know about us, then torture you some more just for fun. I've seen what was in that monster's diary, and in her basement, and I can't let that happen to you. Aside from that, nothing much's new.

"If you're having work problems, I have openings at my agency. I know you said you shouldn't work for me, you worried it'd destroy our friendship. But Lissy, you and I've been through so much together, if you need a job, or anything, I'm here."

Lissy blinked back tears. She hated that damned dog and its pet human. "Lizzie, like you said we've been friends a long time, right? I mean, when we first met, boys were poopy-heads we wouldn't touch with an eleventy-ten foot pole, right?"

Lizzie laughed. Her whole body didn't jelly-shake like it used to, but she could still laugh. "They're still poopy-heads, but I'm willing to get a bit closer to some of them now."

"Yeah, I do have a secret. I guess I could keep it from anybody else, but not from you. I can't tell you, though. It's not mine to tell. You just gotta trust me."

"Is Banny... hurting you?"

"What? No! God, no! He'd never hit me. I'm more afraid of me hitting him than him hitting me. Not that I'd hit him either."

"Is it legal trouble? 'Cause I have contacts with some of the best-"

"No. And please stop guessing, Lizzie, this isn't twenty questions. You keep guessing you're gonna find out, and that would... would not be good." Lizzie had always said she wasn't a mind-reader. She just liked people. And because she liked people she knew people. But sometimes because she knew people she knew just what they were thinking. Not only could you never plan a surprise party for her, she usually knew what gift you got her. But you never knew she knew until much later, because she liked people.

Lizzie looked down, concentrated on her steak. "I didn't mean to upset you. Okay, just one more question, then we start talking about where we'll meet for lunch when TGIM loses the suit." She looked up. "Melissa Cheng, is your life in danger?"

Lissa stared into the eyes of her best friend, her oldest friend, at times her only friend, her blood-sister (a childhood ritual involving a pin). "No. There's no danger. It's nothing dangerous."

Go to Chapter 39: La La La, I'm A Happy Cow

Go to Chapter 41: Because Male Bonding Should Involve Guns And High Explosives

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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