The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.


May Cause Nausea, Fatigue, Dry-Mouth, Hysteria, And Death
(Refresh for a different message)
Part 2: New Friends And Old
Chapter 50 : The Naked Truth

Lissa typed using the "X-Files" method. She knew the next letter was out there somewhere, and she would keep searching until she found it. She was typing this way, suspecting a government conspiracy was hiding the "m" this morning, when Will Stetson came over to her desk. She looked at him. He's more wasted than the words on a cigarette pack's warning label, she knew.

"Hey, man, ya got, like... wow?"

It seemed to be a question. Lissa thought of waiting him out, but stoners move at a different speed than people. "What?"

"Yeah. good. Hey, Are you busy? Can we talk, uh, private, man?" Duncan had given Lissa busy-work. They both knew it, but Duncan was so glad to have his own secretary he wanted to keep her, and Lissa, of course, needed to keep this job. But nothing she was doing was urgent.

"Okay. Duncan's out. We'll use his office. And don't call me 'man', I'm a woman."

"You shouldn't be so hung up on labels, man." In Duncan's office Will shut the door. "What's a Worthy One? You're Worthy, right? And your old man, Ban, right?"

"WHAT!?! Where'd you hear that? Who told you?" She grabbed him by his lapels, glared into his eyes.

"Whoa, I don't wanna, like, lay an authority trip on you, but you really should lay off the refined sugar. It gargles up the blood, makes you all... emotional."

"I AM NOT EMOTIONAL, YOU FREAK!!!" Good thing the rooms were sound-proofed.

"It came to me in a vision, you know. The Worthy Ones have come, to save all the dudes, dudettes, and little doodlings from the ultimate 'The Man'. The Triangle wansta really trample our personal is-ness, and you, like, wow, huh?"

"Something like that. But you can't tell anyone. Got it?"

"That's okay, man. The universe protects its own. So, even if I do tell someone else, no one'll believe me."

"No one but a gonner. Hell, how do I know you're not a gonner, trying to find out if I'm a Worthy One? Strip! I said take your clothes off! Now, or I'll shred them off and you can walk home naked!

Will stripped. He had a tattoo that said Hendrix Lives! What? He's Dead? Damn! and other tats for Jefferson Airplane, The Doors, Procul Harem, and other bands her mother used to listen to. But no gon. His belly also gave the phrase "hippie's pot" a new meaning.

"Okay, Will. Now get dressed before this turns into an old Three's Company episode. What else did the vision show you?"

"Lessee... tell the dog not to blame himself. He didn't take anything from his friend; he gave her everything. And tell his friend she has to let go of her pride once in a while, and there's something more at stake than just her. That make any sense to you, 'cause it's really freaking me out. Makes it sound like the blind girl's gonna die or something, and I hope that ain't it. That's all I know, man. I swear."

Lissa left the office, returned to her desk. Nicoletta die? As angry as Lissa got at that manipulative overgrown stuck-up blind skank, as much as Lissa had seen the way that over-sexed whore would look at Banny if she could, as wrong as that self-proclaimed human calculator (maybe she never actually proclaimed herself a human calculator, but Lissa proclaimed her a self-proclaimed human calculator) can be, with Lizzie for example, she didn't deserve to die. Get beaten within a half-inch of death, fine. But not die

* * * * * *

For today's training Banny went into the field with Joey Hamilton. He actually learned a few different techniques; he learned how to rachet one's personality up or down in response to customer reaction, and how being underestimated can be an advantage. They then met with Joey's wife, Marianne. From her Banny learned how talking can control a conversation, and how sometimes a person will be so desperate to say something, anything, that he'll say yes, if for no reason than to shut you up.

Then they stopped at the Hamilton home, where Banny learned Joey and Marianne have an open marriage, that neither of them has a gon, though Joey does have a naked woman tattooed on one arm and a Navy anchor on the other, that they are both in fair physical shape for people in their early fifties, that they are still very sexually active, and that even two skilled salespeople can misjudge a prospect such as himself. All this he learned in a matter of minutes.

He also learned just how long he could run while speeding his time rate to its limit. Currently less than ten miles.

Go to Chapter 49: Different Views

Go to Chapter 51 : Banny And His Father

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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