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Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.
Lissa stood up in a puddle of slime. When a human-form demon dies, any body part that had been separated before-hand turns to green goop, so all the blood and flesh and yick she had been covered in was now goop. At least it didn't look and smell as bad as gonner hell-snot. The hell-snot probably tasted worse, too.
Tasted. Lissa suddenly realized she was licking the fur on her arm clean! She spat twice, looked around. There were still two demons, two probably-gonners, Banny was getting up off the floor, and the Demon Tracker was down. Poison and blood oozed from his horrific wounds. 'Poison', 'blood', 'oozed', and 'horrific wounds', all in the same sentence. It gives new meaning to the phrase 'death sentence'. No, wait a minute, it doesn't really. Both meanings are pretty much the same. "Banny! Counter-potion! Now!"
"I don't have any! I drank mine!"
"What? You got slashed?" She circled slowly with a demon, both of them claws up, looking for just one opening.
"I got thirsty. It was grape-flavor!"
"Banny, you jerk! How come you got grape? I got coconut. I hate coconut!"
"Robertson, launch!" Vanessa shouted. " It's the only way to match his speed! Mayberg, you can take a few scratches! Just tag the puta!"
"Hey!" said Banny happily. "It's like we're fighting Pokemon! I choose... Dertytoez!" The second demon crouched on the floor in front of Banny. Unfortunately, Antonio hadn't warned the man why this was such a bad thing for the good guys.
The counter-potion vial was in Lissa's shorts. And her shorts were... wherever things went when they're fully shifted. She had had to practice shifting the counter-potion back and forth earlier this night, but now its magic had offered trivial resistance. "Bann, I need you to distract my demon!"
Banny turned away, pulled down the back of his shorts, bent over, and mooned Lissa's demon. The other demon launched! A demon-launch is a fast and powerful leap. So fast and so powerful it would have taken Banny's head off like he took the woman-demon's head off , even if Banny was accelerating. So fast and so powerful that when Banny moved and it missed because it cannot steer in mid-launch it went straight through the ceiling and tore through the rug and furniture upstairs. Little flakes of plaster flew around the room, not enough to coat them all like an I Love Lucy episode, but somebody would have to do a major vacuuming tomorrow.
Surprisingly, this was nobody's number one concern, even though Lissa had killed the demon who normally does the vacuuming.
The man on the couch watched, brushed off plaster dust. He was more annoyed than bored now.
"Say what you will about Banny," muttered Lissa, "The boy does know how to make a distraction!" She stepped away from her demon, shifted her shorts back, and got the vial. "Banny, pull up your pants, and keep this demon offa me!" Kneeling down, she poured the counter-potion into Antonio's mouth. Was it too late?
It would have been, yes, if Antonio had had to actually swallow down the counter-potion, digest it, absorb it into his bloodstream, and let it circulate. But this counter-potion don't mess around. It hits the mouth, that's close enough, or any open wound'll do, races through the body, and does a Search-And-Destroy on certain magical poisons. And if a few substances your body needs to survive get in the way, well, substances should watch where they're flowing. But, hey, that's what the warning label is for.
He coughed, cleared his throat, spat out a little purple blob that ran off screaming.
Lissa's demon had charged at Banny. Banny pulled up his shorts and tried to dodge the demon, but his speed was tiring, he may have strained something. He hoped he didn't, because he didn't know where he'd put the heating pad. He dodged into a table, banging his knee and breaking over a lamp. Grimacing, he shouted to Vanessa, "Sorry! I'm sorry. It was an accident. When you replace it, send me the bill. Ow! I didn't know my knee even had a funny bone. Ow!" The demon body-slammed him, and they both went down. The demon landed on top.
The demon smiled. Its mouth looked like an ad for whatever toothpaste sharks use. It raised its claws, secreted and dripped poison. Banny sped up, pushing himself. He placed his right hand over the monster's left, intertwined his fingers with its claws. He grabbed its head with his left hand, and stabbed it in its head with its own claws.
At first he worried he couldn't get his hand free, but then the demon became muck, all over him.
Lissa saw him, saw the expression on his face. She sighed. "Go ahead and say it, dear. You know you want to."
In Banny's best laconic annoyed-yet-resigned Bill Murray, "'He slimed me.'"
Go to Chapter 34: Fight! Fight! Fight!
Go to Chapter 36: Show And Tell
Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about
Banny
And
Lissa
and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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Dave Lerner Stories (note that to use the mailto you'll need to edit it in your 'send to' window. I apologize, but I've already lost one address to spam, and if I get inundated again, I won't have time to read your letters.) - All Rights Reserved. Note that this includes images of the Tricryptogon, and the name "Tricryptogon".