Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.

Part 2: New Friends And Old

Chapter 47: Employees Of Panderson Real Estate (Summaries And Evaluations)

After four days on the job Lissa and Banny wrote up a report for Mr. Fwuzzums and Nicoletta. Nicoletta added some notes of her own :

Employees Of Panderson Real Estate (Summaries And Evaluations)
Cheng And O'Herlihy

1. Elizabeth Panderson-President, CEO

Best friend. All around wonderful person. HUMAN!!!

Cheng: Like I said.

O'Herlihy: She's one of the good guys.

Corvair: At least the Worthy Ones stand their ground.

 

2. Jessica Mirko-Secretary

Nice enough, a bit on the quiet side. She dresses and acts like a banker's secretary or something. She's happy to let Cheng take of Kilner, may be happier if all the agents had their own secretaries.

Cheng: Why would she kill people to make Panderson a success? The secretary would be happier with less work, not more.

O'Herlihy: She's always friendly to me.

Corvair: Lissa has a point, unless Mirko has an ulterior motive.

 

3. Kaylin Jackson-Trainer

She's short (though slightly taller than Cheng) and could pass for a teen. She can be soft and sympathetic one minute, then tough as nails the next, which I guess a good trainer has to be.

Cheng: She willingly trains people for the Real Estate Exam. She must be evil.

O'Herlihy: Her mommy does voices for cartoons. She's human.

Corvair: Neither Lissa nor Banny make a good case.

 

4. Duncan Kilner-Real Estate Agent

Panderson's top agent. See separate THIS IS THE GUY file

Cheng: He's a gonner!!!

O'Herlihy: I don't know him that well. He seems to go out of his way to avoid me.

Corvair: The most frightening thing about the THIS IS THE GUY file is that almost half of it actually presents a good case. I must try to get any more information I can on Kilner.

5. Will Stetson-Real Estate Agent

Tall, pudgy, long hair balding on top, 46. He wears a suit and tie and somehow he still manages to be a hippie. For example, his tie is tie-dyed. He's a "1960's flower child in corporate 2000's". Those are his own words.

Cheng: I doubt he's a gonner, but he's a hippie wannabe, and that's just as bad.

O'Herlihy: I think he's cool, man. Groovy.

Corvair: He also served 10 years in Grabyanckles Correctional for Possession Of Paraphernalia That Can Maybe Possibly Be Used In Connection With Drugs. But there was no indication of intention to sell. And drug use isn't a gonner crime.

6. Joseph Hamilton-Real Estate Agent

Slightly shorter than normal. slightly stocky, 52. Wears a tacky polyester suit. This guy'd embarrass Herb Tarlek from WKRP in Cincinnati. You wouldn't buy a used car from him if it were made out of gold and he offered it for free! Yet he's the third best agent Panderson has, just below Lizzie. Married to Marianne Hamilton.

Cheng: He's not a gonner. The gonners wouldn't have him.

O'Herlihy: He scares me. Why does he butter his hair?

Corvair: This is suspicious. How does an obvious salesweasel sell million-dollar properties?

7. Marianne Hamilton-Real Estate Agent

Short, thin, 54. Likes to talk. Constantly. You're lucky to get a word in edgewise.Yet she's almost as good at selling as her husband, Joseph. Maybe better if one of two deals she's working on goes through.

Cheng: Human. She told us where she was born, where she grew up, what she watched on tv last night... If she was a gonner, she would have told us.

O'Herlihy: If I speed up to exacty the right speed, she sounds like Alvin & The Chipmunks singing.

Corvair: Again, how can somebody so unlikable sell so well?

 

8. Victoria Alcott-Real Estate Agent

Short, thin, 24. She was born with an extra finger on her right hand. They removed it surgically when she was a baby. She showed us the scar, it's barely visible now. Weird. Okay, this has nothing to do with anything, but isn't it freaky!

Cheng: Vicki's okay. But if she still had the extra finger, which finger would be her middle one? How would she flip somebody off?

O'Herlihy: She comes from a wealthy family and is mostly doing this to keep busy. She has the agency's worst sales record, though still acceptable, and makes little effort to improve. She lacks the gonner ambition.

Corvair: URGENT: Find what Banny was doing when he wrote his evaluation, and never let him stop doing it!!!

Go to Chapter 46: Bad Guys Don't Giggle

Go to Chapter 48: Shampoo In The Eyes

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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