The Tricryptogon

Banny And Lissa
by Dave Lerner

Sorry about the absence. I hope to be back by September 15 October 6, with a full explanation. Or, at least, a decent excuse.

May Cause Nausea, Fatigue, Dry-Mouth, Hysteria, And Death
(Refresh for a different message)
Part 2: New Friends And Old
Chapter 55: What A Mess

"I told ya he was the gonner," Lissa said, pacing Nicoletta's living room.

"Um... " Nicoletta begin hesitantly. "Um... you haven't actually proven that."

"What?!? You weren't there! I... I don't know how to describe it, but when you're smelling something, really smelling something, it has a... a reality. More real than seeing or hearing. It's like I was there. Kilner murdered those three people."

"Well stated, Cheng," Mr. Fwuzzums said. "Smell is a primal sense, far more immediate than sight or sound. You are the first human I know to appreciate that. Indeed, Corvair, why the reluctance? Surely it is not merely a disinclinations to agree with Cheng."

"Kilner's guilty," Nicoletta said hastily. "He murdered those people. But is he a gonner? Humans murder too, you know."

"So?" asked Lissa. "Either way we scorch his ass."

Banny spoke up. "Wait a minute. If he's human, don't we gotta hand him over to the police?"

Lissa stormed over to him. "We can't! Haven't you been paying attention? The cops are covering for him! And besides, how do I prove it? 'Gee, your honor, my sense of smell is so good, I know who was in a room two days ago'."

"Then you turn into a cat and prove it. There! See? I was paying attention."

"NO!!!" barked Mr. Fwuzzums sharply. "The Worthy Ones cannot risk exposure. You are still far too vulnerable."

"So we let a killer walk," asked Lissa angrily, "let him kill more babies, just so nobody knows we're the good guys?"

"Uh, that doesn't sound like good guys to me. Say, do we fight all evil, or just gonners?"

"We fight anybody who'd hurt a little bitty baby," Lissa said. "and anybody who says we don't." She glared at the dog, since glaring at the blind woman would accomplish little

Nicoletta said, "this whole discussion may be academic. I suggest that first you find out the truth the way you usually do."

"You mean let him try to kill me first." said Lissa.

* * * * * *

Lissa phoned Duncan around seven-thirty that night. She said she was feeling better, but that there was some last-minute paperwork he urgently needed to sign. She would be near his neighborhood anyway, so she'd swing by around eight or so. At 8:17 Duncan let her and Banny into his (very nice) apartment. "Hi, Lissa. Oh, um... hello, Brendon. Lissa, you said you had paperwork?" Banny and Lissa each had a briefcase, which they dropped.

"I lied. I know where you were two days ago. I know what you are. You murder little babies. You threaten my best friend just by being near her. Banny and I are the Worthy Ones." She held up her right hand, catted the sharpest, most vicious-looking claws she'd ever had. "Your move."

Duncan held up his right hand, transformed it into sharp spinning and slicing blades. "Human babies," he said with contempt. "As if I'd let human babies get in the way of my destiny!"

Lissa catted her other hand, and Banny said, "Wait! We still don't know if he's human or gonner!"

"Idiot!" Duncan slashed his left sleeve, shredded the sleeve without scratching the skin, and there was his gon. I don't have that kind of skill, Lissa realized. Then again, I don't need it.

Duncan transformed his other hand, lunged at Lissa. She dodged, cat-like reflexes, and he slashed a hole in the wall. Luckily the next room was still part of his apartment.. "Nice try, Ednerd Scissorhands!" she said.

He went at Banny, who looked like a movie in fast motion. Banny tossed a potted plant at Duncan, which he destroyed in a spray of soil. Then a throw-pillow from the couch. Stuffing flew everywhere. Banny ran into the kitchen.

"Looks like your Worthy friend left you, Pussycat. Now, let's see whose claws are sharper."

Banny returned, carrying a watermelon, smiling broadly. "This is gonna be great!" He threw the watermelon at Duncan, who instinctively sliced and shredded it, covering all three of them, and the entire room, in watermelon bits. Gallagher would have been proud. Banny said, "wait here! He's got plastic bottles of ketchup, mustard, and relish in the fridge! I'll be right back!"

Go to Chapter 54: CSI (Coupla Stooges Investigate)

Go to Chapter 56: Food Fight

Bring your friends into the Gonspiracy! Tell them about Banny And Lissa and get their eternal gratitude, and a chance to win $10,000 and a Sony DVD Player, because using your friends for your own personal enrichment, and having them owe you for it, is the gonner way!
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